how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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