yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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