Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
