R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
