using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
