Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
