sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
