Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
