my shit smells like andre
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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