dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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