Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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