I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
