i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
