i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
