Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
