the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
