I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
