Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
