just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
