they need to just BURY HIM!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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