i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
