It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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