does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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