The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
