Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
