No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
