Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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