Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
