Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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