It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
