i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
