maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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