Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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