Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
