I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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