apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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