Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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