ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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