I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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