You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
