I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
