just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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