as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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