Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
