I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
