Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
