I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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