i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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