my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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