Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She told me I should be a condom model.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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