dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
