Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
