Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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