I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
